We can feel the tell tale signs of needing to get to bed, we can notice that shift into bedtime mode and we follow our usual routines, but even though we feel exhausted as our head hits the pillow, our brain stays alert by replaying conversations, analysing situations, thinking about tomorrow, trying to solve problems, or searching for answers to things that seem to come from nowhere.

And often (certainly for me!), the quieter the bedroom and outside world becomes, the more the light fades, the louder the mind gets.

During the day there’s movement, structure, distraction, responsibility. People are busy getting through what needs to be done. But when night comes, there’s finally space. Space to think. Space to feel. Space to notice what’s been pushed aside all day.

For some nervous systems, slowing down doesn’t immediately feel calming. It can feel unfamiliar or scary as the brain and body struggle to shift into rest mode. The nervous system (which plays a part into shifting us into our rest mode) stays alert even when there’s no immediate reason to be.

This is especially common in people who carry a lot mentally or emotionally. The mind becomes so used to staying switched on that it forgets how to settle.

What’s difficult is that people often blame themselves for it. They tell themselves they should relax more.
Sleep earlier.
Stop thinking.
Switch off.

But the mind doesn’t usually become quiet through force...it can take time, it can be a process.

Switching off is less about poor sleep habits (although these need to be considered) and more about a nervous system that has been overstimulated, overloaded, or emotionally “on” for too long.

Rest is not always as simple as lying down and closing your eyes.

Sometimes feeling calm is something the body has to slowly relearn.

If this resonates with you and you would like a space to talk, please feel free to reach out via my contact page to see if counselling would be a helpful place for you.